If you're about to get into a fight, which song do you hear?

Lionel Richie's "Hello", not Adele's "Hello". Lionel Richie.

How would you conquer the Earth?

By fabricating a popular religion. It's the only proven technique.

Have You Ever Danced In The Rain?

I would have ample opportunity living in Seattle, but dancing? Me? No.

Best Kind of Wedding to Attend?

The kind that doesn't require my cynical ass to be there.

Best Time-Killer on Phone?

How nerdy would it be if I thought the calculator app was more entertaining than most of the other options?

Satire or Spoof?

Good spoofs are hard to find. Usually they're ridiculous, so I tend to like satire more. But there's no beating an excellent spoof like Best In Show.

Poker or Blackjack


Peanut Butter or Chocolate?


Cowgirl or City Slicker?

Tough one. City slicker with a hat and boots who appreciates hard work and won't shriek around livestock; otherwise don't even try with me.

Best Accessory?

Any accessory that can pull double duty. Like a scarf, which can be worn in multiple styles and used as a murder weapon in a pinch.

Match.com or Craigslist?

Oh, if I'm going to be killed trying to go on a perfect date, I much prefer the Craigslist caliber of crazies. On Match, you usually have to waste so much time, sometimes all the way to dessert, before you find out if your life is in danger.

Lip Sync Battle or Carpool Karaoke?

I use this as a weeder question when getting to know people. One takes an amazing amount of talent and the other is frivolous fun. Each tells me a lot about a person, especially if they've got a good argument for their choice.